The Girl Beneath the Surface

What do you think when you hear my voice? Did you know that I’ve often felt that I didn’t have a choice? I had to write out all my dreams across the page, because not everyone understood my speech. I’m still writing, fighting to be heard for my message that is constantly being redefined.

Misunderstandings on my condition still occur on a daily basis, and ignorance is still something I am unable to eradicate. Disability is not a lack of ability to have intelligent thoughts and express those thoughts. I want you to know that the world can be afraid of what they don’t understand, but I want to tell everyone that they don’t have to be. Reach out those branches of curiosity in your mind and learn, because you have no excuse when the information is right there at your fingertips.  Don’t be too apprehensive to seek me out and ask me questions. Just because I walk differently than you and struggle a bit more with everyday physical tasks does not mean that I am less capable of dealing with the realities of life. I’m sensitive, so what? Personal attributes are not the result of disability, and my physical condition has never defined me. Be honest with me, I promise I can take it.

Cerebral palsy is a part of me, but how could it not be? I’m not in constant pain, only when walking too far do I feel the strain. Even then, I don’t dwell on it too long. How could I when I’ve never known another way of life? Just like everyone else, I find my ways to get along. Being labelled as different in this way allows me the unique perspective of seeing others from the inside out, inside of the outside in, and I find that constantly refreshing. We have all been brave, we have all been inspiring, and it doesn’t take a disability in order for one to embody that. If the world doesn’t see that wonderful individual you are beneath the surface, SHOW them. Share your gift until they understand the essence of who you truly are. Encourage them to believe that they are capable of the same act of strength.

The girl beneath the surface wants to tell the stories of the misunderstood and the unseen. This is what she was born for, why she hopes that her words lead the way, even if she is not taken seriously when she speaks. She can’t be deterred any longer, for it is time to turn up the volume on the truth. The fighters and the dreamers are here to shake up the rest and remind them of the dreamers buried within.

I hope that I can give you my message in a way that will bring you one step closer to choosing love instead.

Seven of my Favourite Quotes

I thought that I would write a little in-between entry on my seven most favourite quotes by individuals who I believe have truly lived the model of choosing love instead. These were a challenge to pick, and by no means are they in any particular order, so I will probably write a second installment in the future.  A special thank you to my friend who inspired me to write this, you know who you are.

1) “Choose happiness.”- Shay Carl, Youtube vlogger. Shay is in his fifth year of daily vlogging his life with his family. This is something he has always advised over the years, as he has achieved major life goals such as losing over a hundred pounds. It makes me stop and think about what I’m grateful for in the midst of the chaos and how it could be so much worse. I try to stop when I’m feeling overwhelmed and make an effort to feel joy. If willing, it only takes that one little moment to decide to change over to a more positive mood, which can alter the outcome of the rest of your day.

2) “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know:” Pema Chodron- This is a lesson I’m still learning. We can never change bad choices and we will continue to bring negative people into our lives until we realize what we truly deserve and begin to love ourselves more.

3) "We do have purpose and we are capable of greatness, we just have to grab it."  Isaac Hanson wrote this in a message to me when we were discussing Hanson’s song, ‘Watch Over Me.’ This song had gotten through a time in my life when I felt like I wasn’t good enough and never would be. It allowed me to breathe again, and then inspired me to live.  I strive to live my purpose and become better at embracing the greatness within each day. It’s a process, but I know that with time, I will only get closer to fulfilling my mission.

4) “In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.” – Michael Jackson- I think of this quote when I’m struggling to find those impossible answers to the violence that is all too often inflicted in today’s world, when I look around and see people giving in to their sorrows and giving up on their dreams. It reminds me that there are more people out there willing to help and give than there are those who would take and hurt. I will always fight for my beliefs and find a way to fulfil my dreams while making a significant contribution to the world.

5) “Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.” – Lucy Maud Montgomery. ‘Anne of Green Gables’ will forever be my favorite novel because of quotes like this one. I worry too much and often need to remind myself that each day is indeed a chance to begin anew. If you didn’t quite accomplish what you wanted to today, you might just surprise yourself and achieve twice as much tomorrow. You never know what a difference a day can make until you wake up and live it.

6) “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”  ― Wayne W. Dyer Wayne W. Dyer. This is difficult in practice at first, but the more I try it, the easier it becomes. Even if there seems to be nothing positive in your current situation, you can pause and think about the ways in which it might contribute to a wonderful and exciting future, and remember that the road won’t be rocky forever.   

7) "Don't lose yourself in your fear... " - The Walk, Hanson. Fear is what has held me back the most. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, of not being seen for who I truly am.  As this lyric says, however, when you allow yourself to be distracted by and caught up in your fear, you hesitate in reaching your goal and hold yourself back. We may not be able to be fearless, but at least we can put on a brave face and push ourselves past it so that we can be at our absolute best, both for the universe and for our own personal growth.

Introduction

I believe that we have reached a point where we need to fight against ignorance like we never have before.  Think of how far we could go together, about what would happen if we chose love instead.   This blog will be about acting from love instead of hate, understanding instead of ignorance, and hope instead of fear. No matter how far we come, the important thing when it comes to wanting to be a part of changing the world is a willingness to try. It’s easy to get deterred, and I have faced this myself many times recently when I was given the advice to start this blog. I know that no matter how my mood and attitude might shift, I have to remember that I can’t let the doubt take me over completely.

We ARE ALL DIFFERENT. I don’t care if you have a disability or not, we all have hurdles and we all have those things that make us stand out from the rest. This is not about my cerebral palsy, and if you want to know more about that, you can research it or read some of what I have written in Inside Carrie’s World. On another note, though this blog in a way picks up from where I left off with that one, the difference is it won’t be just about my life with a disability, it will be a forum for those who feel they have not been seen for what was beyond their outside, and judged and labeled in a way that has resulted in the suppression of their true nature. Sure, they have still lived their lives and pursued their goals, but they might feel held back and a little apprehensive about what might occur if they put their whole selves out there. I want to write about why we are not wholly defined by our differences and circumstances, whether they be physical, mental, emotional or otherwise. YOU HAVE PURPOSE, AND WHEN YOU’RE SCARED TO LIVE THAT PURPOSE, THE WORLD MISSES OUT. You might say it and have it fail to resonate, you might SCREAM IT and still no one would have heard you, but your voice still needs to be released and those words still need to be said. I hope that telling these stories can restore our confidence, and start the ball rolling on eradicating ignorance. I hope that I can educate others and open their minds to the wonderful shimmering in so many us just underneath the surface, waiting for that one moment where we can break through and make a change with that voice locked away that finally has the chance to emerge.

If you are labeled as the ‘disadvantaged,’ this is not others showing you love, because to pity is not to love. If you let me tell your story, we can show them who we really are, that underneath these temporary and oftentimes deceiving exteriors, we are, in truth, the advantaged ones. We can give readers the choice to choose to look at us with love instead.

Have any ideas? Please e-mail me your thoughts and stories: carriegilbert85@gmail.com. I’ll be back next week to tell my story.